Hansel and Gretel – Movie Review

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Greetings horror fans,

I have a thrilling horror review from The Brothers Grimm. This is a remake of the original Hansel and Gretel and it’s even better.

Hansel and GretelA teenage girl is in shackles in a cabin in the woods. She is captured and roasted in an oven like a Thanksgiving turkey.

At The GingerBread House, Lilith works there. She is the owner. She is famous for her delicious meat pies. She overhears Deputy Carter saying there’s been another child turn up missing in the area.

Hansel and Gretel’s dad is getting re-married to Ruby. They are moving out of Candlewood. Selling the house. Getting a boat and traveling the world. Ruby is three years older than Hansel. They barely know each other. Hansel blames himself for his mother’s death. She was getting his medicine when she was killed.

Hansel isn’t happy about the decision and leaves. Gretel follows him into the dark woods. He gets caught in a steel snare, around his ankle. She frees him. Soon they find a cabin in the woods. Lilith lives there. She invites them in. She feeds Hansel meat pies and sweets. While doctoring his ankle, she gives him magic candy.

The Cabin in the woods

The Cabin in the woods

Lilith had twin boys and a girl, Abigail. Her brother Nathan died a long time ago.

Lilith serves Gretel tea. She falls asleep. The next morning she awakes. Lilith says Hansel was taken to the hospital. She gives Gretel candy for her headache.

Hansel is in shackles in the cellar with the other captives. Kevin. Jane. And other teenagers. More sweets are brought in. Doughnuts and cookies. They are being fattened for the slaughter. Meat pies.

Lilith gives Gretel the deed to The GingerBread House. She only needs to sign on the line. Gretel drops a glass vase breaking it. The glass cuts her finger. A drop of her blood falls on the deed and forms her signature on the line in blood. The deed is signed!

Lilith blows magic powder in Gretel’s face—drugging her. Afterward she finds Hansel in the cellar. At the same time, another teen girl is being roasted in the cellar.

Hansel and Gretel’s parents report their kids missing to the sheriff.

Lilith and her boys

Lilith and her boys eating dinner. Lilith is Mad!

John and Bobby are Lilith’s boys. Gretel is with them. Lilith tries to bring Gretel into their family. She refuses. This makes Lilith angry as she shows her true self. She’s crazy! “Take her to the cellar with the others!” Lilith yelles.

Hansel and Gretel’s parents go into the woods to the hand tree in search of their kids. By Fells Point.

Gretel is delivered to the cellar in a burlap bag. Jane is the next victim to be roasted in the oven. Hansel and Gretel escape.

John goes after them.

Gretel kills Bobby. She slits his throat.

Lilith goes into The GingerBread House. The deputy follows. “Why are you closed today Lilith?” Deputy Carter is suspicious. “Sheriff Meckes will want to talk to you.” She bashes him over the head with a rolling pin. His uniform is covered in blood.

Back at the cabin in the woods. Hansel and Gretel are trapped in the house. John gasses them. Hansel starts eating his own flesh thinking its candy. Then he disembowels himself in a really gross scene.

Lilith as a ghost

Lilith as a ghost

Gretel is hallucinating in a different room. She thinks she’s talking to her abusive father. Then to Lilith as a ghost.

Soon Hansel and Gretel find where Lilith roasts the kids and makes her famous meat pies. Hansel loves her meat pies.

John finds them and kills Jane. Hansel kills John—or so they think.

Sheriff Meckes finds blood in The GingerBread House were Deputy Jerry Carter was murdered. He kicks open a door and finds Jerry’s dead body.

Hansel and Gretel’s dad and Ruby find the cabin. They enter. He sees Lilith’s car. A VW bug. Lilith stabs him in the gut with a pitch fork. “Where are my kids?” he screams with a mouth full of blood. She cuts Ruby’s throat.

Hansel and Gretel escape into the woods

Hansel and Gretel escape into the woods

Sheriff Meckes accidently runs over one of the teen boys as he tries to escape. The boy dies. As he dies, he tells the sheriff about an old woman that eats kids in a cabin.

Hansel and Gretel finally escape the cabin and flee into the woods.

John comes after them with an axe. Sheriff Meckes shoots John multiple rounds in the chest killing him.

Lilith captures Gretel after shooting her

Lilith captures Gretel after shooting her

Lilith sinks an arrow into the Sheriff’s mouth killing him. Next she shoots Gretel in the arm. Hansel pulls out the arrow. Lilith takes them back to the cabin.

She’s a witch. She wants to eat Hansel’s heart. “It’s youth.”

Gretel stabs her just above the eye with a small cross and they run. As the witch pursues, they trick her. They trap Lilith in her own oven. “I picked you Gretel cause you’re just like me.”

“You know what they do to witches? They burn them.” Gretel turns on the oven.

Lilith being burned alive

Lilith being burned alive

Lilith is burned alive. The cabin explodes into a giant, fiery, mushroom cloud.

Later at The GingerBread House. Gretel re-opened the place for business. Lilith’s spirit is in her. She’s the young witch.

The End

Hansel and Gretel is a good horror movie. If you enjoy cannibal horror. There is one really gross scene. Hansel and Gretel is a well-written with good acting.

That’s my review. I hope you liked it.

Until we talk again.

May good fortune guide your path,

J.A. Ireland.

The Hunger Games – Catching Fire – Movie Review

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Dear readers,

I watched the second movie in the mega hit series, Hunger Games. Here’s my review of the  movie that takes place in future North America—approaching the end of winter.Catching Fire

Katniss Everdeen is hunting. She shoots at turkeys and imagines she shot a Tribute. Gale is there and comforts her. She and Peeta are going on a Victory Tour.

On Tour Day, she visits Haymitch Abernathy. Later, President Snow visits. “Head Gamemaker, Seneca Crane, should have blown you to bits when you won the Hunger Games. Your trick with the berries was an act of defiance. You defied The Capitol. I’m worried about an uprising. Revolution. A system collapse,” Snow says.

President Snow

President Snow

“It must be a fragile system, if it can be brought down by just a few berries,” Katniss replies.

Snow responds, “Convince everyone of your love for Peeta. For the sake of your loved ones. Convince Me.”

Cinna and the stylists from the capitol are there. They prepare her for a remote broadcast on Caesar Flickerman’s show. “Last year,” Caesar says, from The Capitol, “the 74th Hunger Games brought us the greatest love story of our time.” He introduces Katniss and Peeta.” “Katniss Everdeen! The Girl on Fire. Peeta Mellark! The Baker’s Boy!” They fake their love and kiss for the camera.

Afterward, everyone boards the high speed rail for the 12 day, 12 district, Victory Tour—ending at The Capital. Their first stop, District 11. Effie Trinket gives them their speech. Peeta ignores the speech. “We are donating one month of winnings to the families of the Tributes, every year, for the rest of our lives.” The people give Katniss and Peeta the hand signal for respect. The Capitol Guards kill the older man that was first with the signal.

Katniss and Peeta in the Victory Tour

Katniss and Peeta in the Victory Tour

After that tragedy, they read the speech at the stops. Caesar announces the Quarter Quell on his show. The tour ends at The Presidential Palace.

They meet Plutarch Heavensbee, the new Head Gamemaker—Successor to Seneca Crane. President Snow welcomes the Tributes and congratulates Katniss and Peeta on their engagement.

President Snow and Plutarch Heavensbee, the new Head Gamemaker

President Snow and Plutarch Heavensbee, the new Head Gamemaker

Plutarch Heavensbee tells President Snow how to turn the people against Katniss. They plan their strategy.

At District 12, Commander Thread terrorizes the town and whips Gale for defying him. Snow wants to terminate Katniss, Peeta, their families, and friends, for defiance. Snow announces the rule changes. “The Quarterly Quell. The 75th Hunger Games will be fought by past winners of the games.”

The Reaping takes place and Katniss is the only name in the drawing. Haymitch Abernathy is the male name drawn. Peeta volunteers. Commander Thread takes Katniss straight to the train—no Goodbye’s.

On the train, Haymitch explains, “This game is all new. You’ll be fighting, Cashmere and Gloss, brother and sister, from district 1. Brutus and Enobaria, career pack. Wiress and Beetee. The Morphlings, Masters of Cammouflague. Finnick Odair, youngest winner ever.” Among others.

Katniss and Peeta in Tribute Parade

Katniss and Peeta in Tribute Parade

At The Capitol, The Tribute Parade begins. The crowd cheers, “Katniss…Katniss…” as Katniss and Peeta’s suits are ablaze. Much to President Snow’s disdain.

Haymitch introduces Seeder and Chaff from district 11. They meet the very provocative, Johanna Mason, from district 7. Lumber trees.

On Caesar Flickerman’s show, the Tributes are interviewed. “The 75th Annual Games, the 3rd Quarter Quell. On stage, 24 of Panem’s brightest stars say goodbye. Only one will survive. At Snow’s request, Katniss wears a white wedding dress. She spins and the dress burns and turns into a Mockingjay—per Cinna’s design. Snow considers the dress an act of mockery to him. He has Cinna beaten.

Katniss' Mockingjay Dress

Katniss’ Mockingjay Dress

At the interview, Peeta announces they are married and Katniss is pregnant. It’s a lie. Snow orders the games to continue, anyway. He wants Katniss killed.

The 75th Annual Hunger games begin. “May the odds be ever in your favor.” They battle inside a giant dome, filled with south pacific topography, vegetation, animals, heat, and humidity.

The Gamemaker, Plutarch Heavensbee sends one plague after another to kill the Tributes as the game continues. Poison fog, Baboons, Giant waves, lightening, Spins the giant clock to disorient them, jabberjays.

Beetee

Beetee

Beetee comes up with a plan to use the lightening to kill Tributes and stay alive. Plutarch turns his idea against him and Beetee dies. Katniss uses the idea and electrocutes the dome. It starts crumbling.

Katniss is almost killed

Katniss is almost killed

As the dome crumbles, Katniss is almost dead. She is taken aboard a hovercraft and revived. “The revolution has begun. Katniss is the Mockingjay,” Plutarch Heavensbee says.

Later, Gale tells her, “District 12 was destroyed. I got your mom and sister out safely.”

The movie ends. This is my review of this thought provoking, mega hit movie. It’s about excessive dictatorial government control.

Until we talk again.

May good fortune guide your path,

J.A. Ireland

 

 

 

 

The Hunger Games – Movie Review

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Dear readers,

I watched the smash hit, Hunger Games. Here’s my review of this unsettling, futuristic, movie that is made in North America—in the future.

The Hunger GamesThe movie begins, “From the Treaty of the Treason in penance for their uprising, each district shall offer up a male and female between the ages of 12 and 18 at a public, Reaping. These Tributes shall be delivered to the custody of The Capitol. And then transferred to a public arena where they will fight to the death, until a lone victor remains. Henceforth and forevermore this pageant shall be known as The Hunger Games.”

District 12- Primrose Everdeen wakes from a nightmare. It’s her first year in the Reaping. It’s Reaping Day and her names only in once. Miners are going to work as Katniss Everdeen runs to the forest. She meets Gale in the woods while hunting.

The movie switches to the Hall of Justice. The area is being prepared for the Reaping.

Gale and Katniss share a piece of bread in the woods. He says, “Happy Hunger Games.” She adds, “And may the odds be ever in your favor.” Gale’s name is in the reaping 42 times.

Gale and Katniss

Gale and Katniss

Later, Katniss is trading. She likes a Mockingjay. The merchant gives her the pin.

Later everyone is bathing and putting on nice clothing for the Reaping. Katniss gives Prim the Mockingjay pin. “This will bring you good luck, little duck.”

The young people gather at Hall of Justice for The Reaping. They get their blood checked for identification.

The Reaping begins. It starts with a film from The Capitol. “War. Terrible war. Widows, orphans, a motherless child. This was the uprising that rocked our land. Thirteen districts rebelled against the country that fed them, loved then, protected them. Brother turned on brother until nothing remained…

Primrose Everdeen is chosen from district 12. “I volunteer! I volunteer!” Katniss Everdeen screams. She is the girls volunteer from district 12. The audience gives her the hand signal for respect and admiration. Peeta Mellard is chosen for the boys.

The Reaping

The Reaping

Katniss and Peeta are given three minutes to say goodbye to their families and friends.

They travel by deluxe, high speed rail to The Capital at 200 miles per hour. The journey takes less than two days. While riding, Katniss and Peeta receive advice from Haymitch Abernathy, a former winner of the Hunger Games from district 12.

The Tributes arrive at The Capitol – they’re celebrities. They begin the preparation process. Katniss meets Cinna.

Later, the Tribute Parade begins. 100,000 people watch the parade. Katniss and Peeta are wearing flaming suits. President Snow is there. “Welcome. We solute your courage and sacrifice. And we wish you. Happy Hunger Games. And may the odds be ever in your favor.”

Tribute Parade

Tribute Parade

Later, Katniss and Peeta get the penthouse. They begin the training. “In two weeks, 23 of you will be dead. Only one of you will be alive. The training lasts for four days. Most of you will die from exposure.” The Tributes are scored. Katniss receives the high score of eleven.

The last day of the training, Caesar Flickerman welcomes everyone to the 74th Annual Hunger Games. He interviews all the Tributes. Katniss is “The Girl on Fire.” She spins on stage as fire flies from her dress.

The Hunger Games begin. The young girls and boys start savagely killing each other. The cannon sounds. Twelve are dead. Katniss flees and survives the first killing.

Later, the heartless Gamemaker uses fire to steer Katniss back to the others. Later, to save herself from a group that’s trying to kill her, she cuts a limb and drops a nest of tracker jackets, genetically engineered wasps, on them. The wasps sting Katniss but kill another girl.

Katniss becomes sick and is unconscious for two days. Rue takes care of her. Soon, Rue is killed. She dies while Katniss holds her. At her home, her father is watching on the town square screen and starts a riot.

An announcement comes over the loud speakers. “Two can win if from the same district.” Katniss finds Peeta. They hide in a cave until Peeta recovers from his injury, due to the medication she gets for him.

Katniss in the forest

Katniss in the forest

The Gamemaker sends high-tech, demon dogs to attack Katniss and Peeta. They survive and are the last two Tributes. The Gamemaker changes the rules and forces one to kill the other. Katniss tricks the Gamemaker into letting them both win. Katniss and Peeta win the Hunger games.

They travel back to their home as celebrities.

President Snow and the Gamemaker are angry at Katniss for out smarting them. The movie ends.

The Hunger Games is a movie about government control and abuse. It was well written and the actors were very good. I hope you’ve liked my review.

Until we talk again.

May good fortune guide your path.

J.A. Ireland

 

Sherlock Holmes – Movie Review

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Dear Holmes and Watson Fans,

I have a review that I think you’ll like. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s, Sherlock Holmes, is a true classic. With the protagonists, Lord Blackwood on the prowl, as Holmes would say, “The game’s afoot.” In this movie, Holmes is a champion fighter.

Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes

The movie begins as Lord Blackwood is performing a black magic ritual—a human sacrifice. This folly is interrupted by Holmes, Watson, and Inspector Lestrade. Lord Blackwood is captured.

The headlines read: Scotland Yard Catches Killer!  Another headline reads: Sherlock Holmes Aids Police 

Blackwood will hang tomorrow. Read all about it! Our beloved detective lives at 221 Baker Street N.W.  Dr. Watson will be the attending physician for the hanging.

Lord Blackwood

Lord Blackwood

Before the hanging, Holmes, Watson, and his fiancée, Miss Mary Morstan have an evening meal at The Royale. While there, Sherlock uses his deduction skills to reason Miss Morstan’s life. His resourceful skills earn him a glass of wine in the face from Watson’s fiancée.

Later, Holmes gets a message, Blackwood wants to talk to him before he dies. Blackwood tells him three more people will die.

At the hanging, the official says, “Lord Blackwood is sentenced to death for the practice of black magic…the unholy murder of five innocent young woman…and the attempted murder of a sixth. Any final words Lord Blackwood?”

Blackwood said, “Death…is only the beginning.”  He was hanged.

Dr. Watson said, “That is the end of Lord Blackwood.”

Irene Adler enters the movie. She is staying at The Grand Hotel. Piccadilly London. She informs Holmes that Reordan is the key to what Blackwood was doing.

Irene Alder and Holmes in the library

Irene Alder and Holmes in the library

Soon, Blackwood is seen walking in the graveyard. The cement slab over his tomb is broken. Inspector Lestrade and his officers open Blackwood’s casket.

Adler’s dwarf midget is dead in the coffin.

“The game’s afoot,” Sherlock says. “Adler’s midget is the key to this.”

Later, Holmes and Watson discover a lab where the dwarf midget was working. They learn that Reordan was working with Blackwood.

Sherlock is abducted. Ambassador Standish from America, Lord Coward—the home secretary, and Lord Chief Justice are holding him at the northwest corner of St. James Square— the Temple of the Four Orders. There, they address Holmes.

The Temple of Four Orders practices black magic. Sherlock immediately deduces that the Lord Chief Justice is Blackwood’s father. Sir Thomas, the Lord Chief Justice, explains, “My son was conceived during a ritual with a follower—not my wife. She died during child birth.”

Later, Blackwood kills his father during his bath. Blackwood takes his Four Orders ring.

Lord Coward calls the Temple of Four Orders to order. “Sir Thomas is dead. I nominate Lord Blackwood as the head of the order.”  He addresses the order, “We will rule the world. We start by taking America back.”

Ambassador Standish from America will not stand with Blackwood and is killed.

The movie switches to Queenshithe Slaughterhouse, Nine Elms—a factory by the river. Holmes and Watson find Revelations 1:18 on the wall, “I am he that liveth, and was dead.”

Holmes ans Watson at Slaughterhouse

Holmes and Watson at Slaughterhouse

Blackwood is there and says, “And behold, I’m alive for evermore.”  He escapes in a boat while catching Holmes, Watson, and Adler in a dock explosion.

Later, while Irene Adler attempts to leave town, her true boss speaks to her, “I want what Reordan was making for Blackwood. Finish the job or the next dead body will be Sherlock Holmes.”

Out of desperation, Sherlock turns to the book of spells for clues. He believes Blackwood will kill in Parliament next. Sherlock, Watson, and Irene Adler enter Parliament through the basement. They discover Blackwood’s weapon—a remote controlled chemical weapon.

Lord Blackwood addresses Parliament, “I have returned from beyond the grave to fulfill England’s destiny and extend the boundaries of this great empire.”  His plan—to kill many members of Parliament.

His plan is foiled. In a final battle on a high rise construction sight, Blackwood is really hanged. He dangles by the neck high above the river.

Irene informs Sherlock that her real boss is Moriarty.

Sherlock later discovers how Blackwood survived the first hanging. He also learns what Moriarty was after. The wireless remote control for the chemical weapon. Sherlock says, “Wireless remote controls are the future.”

The movie ends.

If you are a detective story fan, like me—obviously, you’re sure to like this movie.  Robert Downey Jr. gives another great performance.

I hope you have enjoyed my review of Sherlock Holmes. Until we talk again.

May good fortune guide your path,

J.A. Ireland